


Deep Breath

by ThereIsNoTragedyInThat



Series: Spirits and Cocaine [26]
Category: Narcos (TV)
Genre: Airports, Angst with a Happy Ending, Choosing Love, Established Relationship, Idiots in Love, Love Confessions, M/M, Mutual Pining, Short & Sweet, insecure Javier Peña, you can pine and be in love
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2021-03-07
Updated: 2021-03-07
Packaged: 2021-03-13 16:35:08
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,080
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/29903955
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/ThereIsNoTragedyInThat/pseuds/ThereIsNoTragedyInThat
Summary: The airport was busy, groups of people milling about with their bags in hand, expressions a little tired and drawn. Steve had never liked airports, didn’t particularly like flying either, the cramped seats and aisles, too many people murmuring under their breath and bodies brushing against each other. He found the whole thing claustrophobic, but today…today felt worse.
Relationships: Steve Murphy/Javier Peña
Series: Spirits and Cocaine [26]
Series URL: https://archiveofourown.org/series/2100027
Comments: 10
Kudos: 23





	Deep Breath

**Author's Note:**

> Prompt: Lingering hug

The airport was busy, groups of people milling about with their bags in hand, expressions a little tired and drawn. Steve had never liked airports, didn’t particularly like flying either, the cramped seats and aisles, too many people murmuring under their breath and bodies brushing against each other. He found the whole thing claustrophobic, but today…today felt worse. Next to him, Javi was quiet, his eyes distant in a way that broke his heart a little bit every time he looked at him.

Steve knew, there wasn’t much to say that hadn’t been said last night, no words to comfort him or reassure him, nothing that Javi would want to hear. He’d fucked up, royally, and the consequences had been a looming cloud over them both, an inevitability they’d ignored until they couldn’t anymore. Steve couldn’t help but feel partly at fault for this mess, wondered if maybe he’d stepped up and convinced Javier not to resort to…well maybe he’d be staying by his side.

He tried to catch Javi’s gaze, wanted to see his eyes, wanted to know that even if nothing else was alright, they were, they would be. Except, he was starting to wonder because Steve could still remember how it felt last night, with Javi’s fingers digging into his skin, his fervent words gasped into his ear. They’d had sex and all Steve could think about in the aftermath, laying sweaty and exhausted over his chest, was that it felt like more than a simple goodbye.

When morning came, they’d woken up late, had quickly packed the rest of Javier’s things and left with only the barest words spoken between them. Steve had wanted to say something in the drive over, had kept looking over at the man, only to find him listless, looking out the window like it might be the last time he’d ever see Colombia. He’d left him be, heart in his throat, and a weariness settling into his bones.

The thing was…him and Javier hadn’t been something they really talked about. More often than not, they usually stumbled into bed together, colliding like cars with enough time to break but didn’t know how and when they woke up in the aftermath, it was easier not to say anything at all. That went on for a while, the two of them just sort of falling together…until the nightmares came one night, and Steve never went home.

Eventually, heated touches turned gentle, biting kisses slowed, and the words moaned between them became more fond then provoking.

Steve looked at Javi, suppressed the urge to reach for him, gave himself a minute to drown in the aching, fearful thing in his chest. He knew, like he knew most things about Javi, instinctually, that for him, this was a permanent goodbye, not the brief pause Steve hoped it to be. That thought was like a kick to his ribs, an acute pain that radiated throughout his body and stole his breath for a long moment.

Javier had never thought he was good enough for him.

Steve had never thought Javier could love him at all.

Reaching across the small table that separated them, Steve rested his hand on Javier’s forearm, the touch casual and unassuming to onlookers, but a quiet plea between them. His partner seemed to startle, finally looking at him and when those painfully soft eyes met his, the ones that bellied the hard and broken pieces of him, Steve knew that it wouldn’t ever be that easy to let him go.

“I’m going to catch Escobar,” Javi’s lips twitched but Steve plowed ahead, lowering his voice so those around them wouldn’t hear. “Then, I’m coming to get you.”

Javi blinked at him, head tilting a little to the side like he wasn’t entirely sure he heard him right. Steve waited, let him work through it for a long minute because you could never force Javier to do anything quicker than he wanted to.

Finally, he sighed, eyes a turning sad and regretful, making Steve’s stomach drop, “Steve, I don’t think-”

“I love you,” he interrupted, working hard to keep his voice even. “I’m going to catch Escobar and then I’m going to visit you in Texas or wherever the hell you find yourself. Understood?”

Silence stretched between them for several long minutes as Javier stared at him, searching his face like he was expecting to find a lie. He wouldn’t, because Steve meant every fucking word because he would be damned if he’d throwaway something this good.

It had hurt like a hell when Connie left. He’d been lost, had been with her so long and knew her so well that she’d gone and taken that part of him with her. Trying to figure out to do it alone, figuring out how to say goodbye to someone he genuinely loved so dearly, despite their issues, had felt like tearing his heart in half.

Losing Javi though? He wouldn’t even know where to start, after everything they’d been through, as friends, as partners, as lovers, the part of him that would be left couldn’t exist without him. Steve didn’t want to know what kind of person he’d be, didn’t want to know what a life without the man he loved would be like and unlike with Connie…he was going to fight for it.

Something of that must have shown in his expression because Javi suddenly blew out a heavy breath of air, his posture slumping a bit as he shook his head and covered Steve’s hand with his own.

“I understand,” he murmured, the corner of his mouth tilted up into a half smile and life seemed to return to his eyes. “You don’t get left behind.”

Relief washed through him and if they weren’t in public he’d have reached over and kissed him. Steve opened his mouth, willing himself to say something, to make it clear that was how it was always going to be, when a voice called Javi’s flight over the speakers.

Standing, he found Javier looking at him differently, a little more settled and Steve believed they had a chance. As they wrapped their arms around each other tightly, Steve let himself twist his hands in the fabric of his jacket and bury his face in his shoulder, inhaling the scent of him, memorizing the feeling.

“I love you,” Javier whispered, his breath hot against his ear.

Steve tightened his arms, “I love you too.”


End file.
